PSA: Don’t Wear Mom Jeans

Stop trying to make mom jeans happen. It’s not going to happen.

Alright, I get it. Some of you are too fat to wear skinny jeans, but no amount of complaining about how overly tight they are and pretending that they aren’t stylish is going to make them go away. They’re pervasive in all sorts of social niches from hipster to hypebeast. You don’t look at your favorite celebrities on billboard ads to see them shirtless with their lower half covered by relaxed fit jeans like the ones you wear when you eat donuts on the couch watching The O’Reilly Factor. Nah, they’re wearing slim fit at the baggiest.

You can’t claim to know anything about fashion and wear relaxed fit jeans. There’s nothing “relaxed” about fashion in the first place. Comfort is often a necessary sacrifice for beauty, like how getting your sockless feet cut up in a brand new pair of Sperry Topsiders is a rite of passage for both yourself and the shoe. Another example that I shouldn’t even have to explain, boot cut jeans are meant to be worn with BOOTS. If you’re not wearing boots, DON’T WEAR THOSE!!!! It’s in the name, it should be extremely simple to figure out.

Unless you’re like morbidly obese, you WILL fit into a pair of straight or slim fit jeans from a good brand, and it will look several orders of magnitude better than the mom jeans that you found on the discount rack at Wal-Mart. Ok sure, you lost some breathing room but please, it’s not anywhere close to how bad wearing heels is, but at least most girls take that in stride and know that it makes them look good.

Even though various rap songs would tell you that skinny jeans are without a doubt the best, in reality the ideal cut of jeans does depend on your body type. But NOBODY has a body like mom jeans are designed. Nobody. So step outside of your comfort zone (walmart) and find a damn pair of good fitting jeans if you don’t want to be laughed at in public by people who actually know how to dress.

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