Pokemon Go is the Solution to Obesity – Ask My Fat Ex Girlfriend

Turns out it’s hard to hit the gym, but not so hard to hit the pokemon gym.

I broke up with my ex-girl a few months ago, and nothing made me happier than to see my cheating ex-girlfriend balloon up into epic proportions. I’m not sure if she started eating her feelings or sum’n because i don’t talk to that trifling bitch, but she definitely packed on at least 30 pounds, if not more. I’m not one to hold long grudges though, and now I kinda feel bad. She used to be an athlete, one of those girls who were in shape from playing soccer and lacrosse in high school. The freshman 15 from reduced physical activity and a lot more binge drinking is okay on almost everyone. But if that isn’t kept under control, there’s also the sophomore 15, and now, my-boyfriend-broke-up-with-me 20. She was kinda cute, and now she is most certainly not kinda cute.

I’m super okay with her not looking good and struggling significantly harder romantically, but I also don’t want her to have like, health complications. Wishing heart attacks on people is some serious bad karma. Over the months, I had seen her post shit from mapmyrun onto facebook, but she’s not going fast, far, or even out period like more than once a week, so that isn’t really gonna do shit for her. Hopefully she never tried signing up for a gym, because those always lock you into yearlong contracts that she was clearly not utilizing.

But now, Pokemon Go has been released. You gotta go outside to catch em all, and a lot of sedentary fucks have finally gotten off their asses to go grind some pokemon. The most fit-encouraging feature I’ve seen is that you’ve literally gotta walk miles to hatch eggs and apparently she’s been at it because she’s posting screenshots like:

View post on imgur.com

I’ve gone out to play myself a few times and don’t have a single Pokemon over 200 CP, and I’m someone who likes to go on walks for no damn reason. But now, a significant amount of the smartphone population and going out to walk a few miles a day. My fat ex aside, this game can do wonders for those who think the have no other reason to get exercise than to catch em’ all.

  1 comment for “Pokemon Go is the Solution to Obesity – Ask My Fat Ex Girlfriend

  1. ken
    July 10, 2016 at 3:13 pm

    haha damn

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