Month: September 2017

Post-midnight thoughts 9.17.2017: Night Train Lane

A legendary footballer. Really just a baller. And an unrelated story about a really stupid professor. These are the things matt thinks about past midnight.

Night Train Lane

It’s football season again. I’ve been getting into that football mood – I’m reading everything about every team, I’m watching and re-watching Gifs of great plays from over the weekend, my day is ruined because I stop to pause for 3 hours watching the Tennessee-Florida game (what a finish huh?!), and I’m up late looking up facts about the late Night Train Lane.

This isn’t a train that you ride on tracks that go “choo! choo!” across the countryside. But he’ll hit like one, and take you for a ride – straight into the turf! Night. Night. Welcome to one of the most ferocious and feared footballers in American history.

Night Train Lane picks a pass off in a game (1952)

Richard Lane (April 16, 1928 – January 29, 2002), commonly known as Dick “Night Train” Lane, was an American football player who played cornerback for the Los Angeles Rams, Chicago Cardinals (now Arizona), and Detroit Lions, and Pro Football Hall of Famer (1974).

“MY OBJECT IS TO STOP THE GUY BEFORE HE GAINS ANOTHER INCH. I’M USUALLY DEALING WITH ENDS WHO ARE TRYING TO CATCH PASSES, AND IF I HIT THEM IN THE LEGS THEY MAY FALL FORWARD FOR A FIRST DOWN. THERE IS NOTHING I HATE WORSE THAN A FIRST DOWN.” – Dick “Night Train” Lane

At the end of 14 seasons, Night Train Lane had amassed 68 career INTs, 1207 return yards, 6 All-NFL selections of 7 Pro-Bowls to boot. But outside of numbers, Night Train Lane’s most iconic aspect is his tackling, the ferociousness, the sheer primal violence that exudes from the force of his hits. He absolutely loved to hit.

Continue reading “Post-midnight thoughts 9.17.2017: Night Train Lane” »

Nobody believes you, Ted Cruz.

If you missed it, Ted Cruz is recently coming under fire because his Twitter page “Liked” a pornography video on Twitter. “Accidentally.” Yeah, right. Opinions are matt’s and do not reflect the views of other FactsB writers.

Senator Ted Cruz’s public Twitter account had “Liked” a pornographic video, stirring controversy online. (Still from CNN interview video; click picture for full video from CNN)

Ted Cruz says a staffer accidentally pressed the wrong button that led to a porn video being “Liked,” and posted onto the Twitter timeline for everybody following Ted Cruz to see. He claims that this was not deliberate, and that it was not malicious in intent.

You see, Mr. Cruz, the problem with this is that it’s impossible, and nobody believes you.

Now, I want to doubt Ted Cruz himself was browsing Twitter porn on 9/11 on his public account on purpose. A variety of situations could have happened: Ted Cruz forgot to switch his accounts, or Ted Cruz’s staffer was browsing Twitter porn on his account, or Ted Cruz does indeed view porn on his public Twitter account. Whatever happened, it does not look good for Ted Cruz.

My problem with the story is two-fold. First, that Ted Cruz’s explanation sounds like something you’d say to your geriatric mother when she catches you in that despicable act. “I pressed the wrong button!” is a decidedly 12-year-old child statement to make, and one that anybody with a modicum of computer and internet knowledge can disprove in a heartbeat. Ted Cruz is using an argument meant to satisfy and calm his older constituents who consistently vote but have poor technological literacy (the US government has much to gain by keeping technological literacy to a minimum, but that’s another story). There’s just no conceivable, feasible way that someone “accidentally” presses a button to like a video on Twitter.

Continue reading “Nobody believes you, Ted Cruz.” »

Jaden Smith is finally starring in his own anime

Jaden Smith, son of popular actor and accomplished rapper Will Smith, will be starring in a Netflix original anime production, slated to be released September 22nd, 2017.

How Can Anime Be Real If Jaden Smith Isn’t Starring In It

A thrilling production of a pink haired magical demon hunter is coming to you this Fall on Netflix, starring none other than your very own Jaden Smith.

I’m only a little confused by the trailer. A lot confused. I’m not going to watch this, but I think some people will want to. Jaden Smith delivers impact lines like “She’s possessed? That sucks,” and “I’m grieving the death of a relationship,” in the trailer. He’s not so much detached as he is dissociative.

“YO WE GOTTA TEACH THESE OLD MONEY FUCK BOYS A LESSON”

Spreading the word.

matt is appalled by the existence of this, but recognizes that free will is essential to the human machine. Win, lose, we’ll all be equal in the grave. Follow matt @brapachinensis on Twitter!

I refuse to write about the new LA Chargers starting Kicker from South Korea, Younghoe Koo.

Because the new LA Chargers starting Kicker from South Korea, Younghoe Koo, is a FOB. Plus he’s a kicker – what’s there to talk about? What, just because I’m Asian I gotta talk about the Asian American players in the NFL?

Kicker Younghoe Koo tosses a ball during the Los Angeles Chargers’ training camp at the Jack Hammett Sports Complex in Costa Mesa, CA on Wednesday, August 2, 2017. (Photo by Kevin Sullivan, Orange County Register/SCNG)

The new LA Chargers starting Kicker from South Korea, Younghoe Koo, is certainly not the first Asian-American in the league. And teams have actually been really cool about drafting/signing foreign players – the Denver Broncos have like 3 foreign born guys right now. It’s not uncommon for first generation immigrant talent to get into the league. Hines Ward was Korean too, you know.

There’s really just not much to talk about with this guy, the new LA Chargers starting Kicker from South Korea, Younghoe Koo. Don’t need to mention that he’ll only be the fourth NFL player with Korean heritage playing – ever.

So this isn’t a big deal. I refuse to write about the new LA Chargers starting Kicker from South Korea, Younghoe Koo, and how he played defensive back well enough to earn All-County honors or earned a scholarship for his football ability. Or how he went undrafted, got signed by the LA Chargers, and beat out incumbent kicker Josh Lambo to become  the new LA Chargers starting Kicker from South Korea, Younghoe Koo.

Not gonna do it.

matt refuses to write about the new LA Chargers starting Kicker from South Korea, Younghoe Koo. Mostly because he thinks this kind of thing should already be common, and that Asian Americans should naturally enter the NFL more in the future. So if we act like it’s not a big deal, maybe people will just see it as another thing and more Asians will get into the league that way. It’d be really cool to have more AA representation in the NFL. But also because he’s a total FOB. Follow matt @brapachinensis on Twitter.