Written by pinky0926
Fashion from down under and online. People of the internet age, an Australian stranger has come to give you much needed fashion advice. His advice? It’s time to stop wearing these things, or at least wear them less. A quick and short style Don’t-list from pinky0926.
1. Square-toed dress shoes.
Hey you, sys-admin or low to mid-level office worker, or guy who has one pair of dress shoes for that yearly wedding. Stop with this shit. These are bad. Feels bad man. Opt for rounder toes, or if you’re still really attached then get a subtle chisel toe. No, none of this means you need clown shoes.
2. Loose fit cargo shorts.
There are a couple of very specific examples where this might not be a problem. Maybe if you’re camping and you need a place for your flashlight and Swiss army knife or in the event that you somehow miraculously got the only well-fitted, non-bulky pair of cargo shorts on the market. But generally you are not, and you did not, so stop. And stop making references to ball space requirement. You do not have elephant testicles, your mother confirmed this for me personally.
3. Vest/waistcoat with no jacket.
The orphaned vest is a goddamn mess. I know you were going for “classy, but fun”, but what you actually got is “have you been served yet, ma’am?” Look, in very rare very well put together and extremely well-fitted outfits it can work, but if you have to ask then no, you did not make it work.
4. Gold jewelry if you’re white and on the paler side.
This has nothing to do with race or culture. This is purely about contrast. If you’re white and pale (like me), then gold will wash you out and look quite gaudy. The only kind of metal jewelry you should be wearing is silver or gun-metal if at all. It’s almost impossible to find pics of what that looks like but nevertheless I always seem to meet pale ginger kids with gold rings and such.
5. Brown shoes with black pants, or brown belts with black shoes and vice versa (formal wear only).
You can break this one fine if we’re talking jeans or chinos (sometimes), but when it’s suits then don’t mess with it. Hell if we’re being picky then yes you can break it with suits also, but if you knew how to do that you wouldn’t need my advice. It’s a really simply thing to match your belt to your shoe color and gives you a nice feeling of symmetry and coherence, something that even someone who doesn’t care about fashion can appreciate.
6. Wearing hats with more character than yourself.
It’s too easy to pick on the fedora because everyone knows that one already, but this is really a wider thing about hats in general. If you’re using the hat to try and stand out and show your zany side, you’re definitely doing it wrong.