Month: June 2016

Losing the Gapcore Shorts + HUF Haul

Although I own tops from just about every major streetwear label, I’ve always skimped out on paying for shorts. I always figured, If I’m dressing to impress, I’m probably not even going to be wearing shorts, right? Wrong.

In the past I have opted for mostly plain Mossimo khaki/flat front shorts. (For the blissfully ignorant, Mossimo is the brand that encompasses like, 80% of the clothing sold at Targét.) My original attitude was that as long as I’m not wearing cargoes and keeping the colors basic, I should be okay. And I probably was, but certainly not for the obnoxious streetwear kid I aspire to be.

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Leave Mark Sanchez alone

In the 2015-2016 NFL season, the Denver Broncos dragged a rapidly decaying corpse of Peyton Manning to the Super Bowl in a tumultuous season that saw the perennial all-pro QB being benched in favor of another former-Broncos QB Brock Osweiler. With his carcass in tow, the Broncos defense proceeded to, for lack of a better term, whoop the Panther’s butts. After hoisting up the Lombardi for the second time on a second team, The Sheriff retired. Then Osweiler left to chase the big bucks. Then, with Trevor Siemian the only active quarterback on the Denver roster John Elway brought in the Buttfumble himself.

The infamous Buttfumble.

Seriously? That guy? The one whose poor quarterbacking against the Patriots earned him a special Wikipedia page about the buttfumble? Why? He sucks! He’s garbage!

To panicked fans, there’s one word I’d like to say in response:

Relax.

And then some more words:

Mark Sanchez is not an elite quarterback – nobody is here to make that claim. His almost 1:1 TD:INT ratio is horrendous. Some argue that the Jets went to the playoffs twice IN SPITE of this guy. Sanchez regularly makes horrible decisions in the face of pressure. He can’t move on from his first read very well and he tries to force the hardest passes. But he’s got guts and he’s a real gunslinger. This can be both a good and bad thing.

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Derek Pope’s “Everything” is a Hidden Masterpiece of Modern Pop-Rap


I’ve been following Derek Pope since he was in high school. He’s changed his name a bunch of times, (Catastrophic, Kidd Upstairs), and aside from a few songs with a couple hundred thousand plays, the dude really isn’t that famous. It could just be me, but I think this guy’s production is nothing short of flawless.

On this track, Derek Pope brings you a formulaic (yet somehow not all that generic sounding) banger. His vocals are solid on the track solo, but imagine if this had a feature, from like, Rae Sremmurd. That would be all kinds of fire.

matt goes to Vancouver: Part 1

On June 17th I took a bus trip to Vancouver to meet my brothers, Alex and Chris, and Emma, Alex’s fiance. They had all arrived there a day earlier but I could join them for the last two days. My overnight trip took me to several popular drinking spots in Vancouver, a beautiful park, and I got to discover a sweet artist that I really hope takes off.

I also took a bunch of terrible filtered Instagram pics along the way, so be prepared for the usual Instagram fare. Sorry?

IMG_20160617_093702
I actually really like this one. South King and 5th.

So at 7am I wake up and start packing for my overnight stay in Vancouver. I wash and pack a set of clothes that I deem appropriate for any sort of setting I’ll encounter and head on out to the Lyft that I called. Now, every Lyft or Uber ride has been an absolutely memorable experience for me, good and bad.

My driver today is Dan. Dan told me within two minutes of the ride that he’s gotten ticketed a couple of times in speed zones in the past (as we passed a speed zone). Dan called me an interesting fellow because I offered some of my own opinions on current events in reply to his, and he thought my thinking didn’t align with others “from your generation.” He was fairly old, enough to be retired. He spoke freely about his own opinions on the presidential election and carried some… interesting opinions about “out-of-wedlock births” in “minority populations.”

I won’t go into further detail, but I will say (as an aside) how horrible it felt to know that he felt comfortable saying this particular kind of stuff to me, an Asian American; I don’t think he was talking about me when he said “minority,” you know? Now, I tried not to let it bother me because he seemed like a nice man still struggling to get up with the times and I saw an opportunity to inform rather than shame…but I digress…

Continue reading “matt goes to Vancouver: Part 1” »

Horoscopes Aren’t Real, And They’re Not Cute Either

 

My ex girlfriend knew we were perfect for each other. She probably thought that because I’m a Capricorn, and she’s a fucking idiot.

atrol

A nice thing about being a straight female is that it is a rarity for a potential suitor to ever ask me what my sign is. If you’re a dude who was hitting it off with a girl one time and and she backed off once she found you were a Taurus, I sincerely do apologize for my kind. This stuff really happens, and makes pettiness like “I only date people with six packs and six figure salaries” look reasonable. And if you’re a girl who gets asked this a lot, you should probably find a different type.

The people who don’t really believe in it but have a copout excuse such as,”It’s fun idea to think about” are even worse than the people who believe it to the core. It’s a relatable and conversation-friendly form of tarot card reading, tea leaf burnings, or contacting ghosts. And I know you’re smart enough to not believe in those. Even if the roots of astrology were hypothetically real, how do you determine who’s feeding you bullshit and who’s telling you factual information because they’re true astrological practitioners? I know someone who writes horoscopes for money and she’s definitely  a regular person who writes formulaic relatable garbage not based on any stars. Someone out there is getting paid to tell you things that have no basis in reality.

The most obnoxious portion of astrology is the confirmation bias that accompanies it. Those who have drawn parallels between relationships between their relationships and astrological signs truly deserve some mental gymnastics gold medals. Someone who is 500% sure one of their relationships was so great because of sign compatibility also has a laundry list of excuses why it’s still true when it doesn’t work out between the same signs later. This is where the cuteness flies out the window. Wouldn’t you rather be your significant other’s soulmate because of your personality rather than because you were born on a certain day?

I’m astounded that people actually think that things are decided by the cosmos and not by actual personality traits. At an extremely basic level, if you believe in astrology, you believe that people born in the same month have similar personalities and will all find love or have a big change in their life at the same time. And when you put it that way, it sounds stupid as hell. Next time your relationship fails because your boyfriend cheats on you, it’s probably because you date assholes, and not because all Geminis are cheaters.

Overwatch is the coolest thing Blizzard’s produced in a while

Blizzard’s Overwatch has a very cool aesthetic and bunch of characters, and it’s simply lots of fun. Blizzard produces another multiplayer hit in its foray into the world of competitive-oriented shooters.

After a slightly disappointing finale to Starcraft 2 and a capricious but rather stale product in Heroes of the Storm (though it IS free to play), Overwatch is easily the coolest product among Blizzard’s recently released games. Not to mention the really fun artwork people are coming up with these days.

traceronwidowmaker
Really, really fun artwork. Really fun. Time to raise my APM!

The comparison to Team Fortress is easy, but Overwatch is very different from the Valve production. Blizzard succeeded in creating a really cool game that benefits a lot from Blizzard’s usual knack for balance and polish. The game is well optimized and manages to look good even on lower settings. And for a multiplayer only game, Blizzard managed to create riveting backstories for most of their characters with accompanying cinematics.

Each hero offers something different to the game, and depending on your team’s composition you’ll find the hero’s roles shifting constantly. Strengths and weaknesses of characters are immediately apparent, and hitboxes are forgiving enough to keep the game fun but not make it too casual easy. But being a team-oriented game, having bad teammates can have adverse effects on your experience. So team up with five other nerds if you want to maximize your teamwork!

There IS a slight learning curve involved with each character, but the game is easy enough that even people who are intimidated by first-person-shooters should have no problem playing well and having fun. I really think there’s a character for everyone out there.

A special positive in Overwatch is the cinematic quality of battles – this game is very aesthetically pleasing. Character abilities can create some stunning visuals from time to time, almost like choreographed action. There’s something really fun and immersive about watching a d.Va mech fly by while a Tracer dashes by, Pharah’s rockets screaming past you and your teammates. And then, of course, are the ultimate abilities that set up a-Mei-zing plays like this:

Overwatch is also only $40. For a multiplayer-only game that has offered me nigh-limited joy these past couple of weeks, I’d say it’s worth a pretty penny. Blizzard is very meticulous about their active games, so expect the game to change greatly over time. I’ve got my personal gripes with the online community, particularly those who insist upon playing one character, those that treat the game like a deathmatch style shooter a la Call of Duty Black Ops 2, and people who choose the same character as me. Stop it, man. But those things don’t necessarily detract from the Overwatch experience.

Overall, Overwatch is tremendous fun; even when I’m losing I’m having some fun. I do find myself wanting for a story mode, multiplayer or not. Also more game types – three just isn’t cutting it. Don’t take it from me, Blizzard, but maybe a Counter-Strike style plant-the-bomb style map could be fun. Think about it. Ranked play is slated to have a mid-to-late-June release, so expect a patch at high noon soon. I give it a solid 4/5 stars, and definitely recommend everyone to play it.

mccree
Well, it’s high noon somewhere.

Follow matt on Twitter @bokchoifresh ask him to play and he probably will (slide into his DMs if you want his b.net ID)

Glow-In-The-Dark Shoes Need To Die

I’m usually not one to obsess over limited release shoes. Especially those that are egregiously expensive and released in artificially low quantities. It’s a terrible practice that fuccboi culture has been eating up. It’s really not cool that the shoes will start selling on ebay for a 400% markup, just moments after the initial release. Adidas is aware that they didn’t produce enough shoes if they sold out in under a minute.  However, heat is heat, and the recent Yeezy 750 Grey/Gum release looked super clean. I loaded up my Adidas app for the first time ever in hopes to reserve them. I took the L, like thousands of others but am I really that upset?

Gag.

Although the shoes look fantastic, they just HAD to include a gimmick, and that’s the reintroduction of glow-in-the-dark soles. We should have been done with these back when Kanye was back with Nike. He even said that he was adamant about leaving his Nike creations in the past. You’ve heard Facts, right? We can almost all agree that the Adidas Yeezys have been way nicer and have had significantly more hype and that could have been done by leaving the shoes clean.

Lets be honest, you’d look like a clown with these at night. The last thing I’d want to be doing is wearing these in the club and shouting out “I’m a fuccboi with no taste who probably overpaid a reseller for this crap.” This would be a daytime-only fit for me for sure.

These are $350 retail exclusive luxury sneakers. Not fucking LA Gears. They’re fine without the gimmicks. As a young adult, do you really want to be wearing something your 6-year-old velcro-step-activated-light wearing self would’ve liked?

I’ll pass on this, thanks.

Embarrassing Childhood Crush Stories

When you’re very young and in love, you don’t have it quite figured out yet. More than likely, you’ve done something absurd to hopefully attract your elementary or middle school crush. I asked a few of my friends what their most notable childhood crush experience was, and found I wasn’t alone in being a complete weirdo as a tween.

 

My Story

When I was 14 years old, I had a crush on my neighbor who lived across the street. She always sat out on her stoop, texting on her pink motorola razr v3. (Probably in t9 predictive text mode.) She had a scene girl fringe haircut, so I assumed she liked emo and pop punk music. It was a pretty stupid assumption because it was 2007 and every girl had that haircut.

I was a shy kid back then, so I was too afraid to go up and talk to her. Instead I decided to point my speakers out the window and blast Taking Back Sunday and Fall Out Boy for days on end, hoping she’d notice me because we liked the same music.

Her family moved a few months later. I never ended up speaking to her, but I feel that trying to get her attention was a big part of me becoming a soft alt kid and listening to depressed teenage girl music for the rest of my life.

 

Ian

It was 1st or 2nd grade and I was at recess awkwardly hanging out with my crush. The place they had us lineup at before we headed back inside had some stairs nearby.
They looked like this. Except the top and bottom rails were closer together.

Well one of the other guys there stuck his head in between the rails. I don’t remember exactly what was said but she was very impressed. So I did the only logical thing and also stuck my head between the rails. The problem is I was a lot bigger than the kid who did it before and got stuck. They went to get a teacher for help but I was stuck real good. After about 5 minutes the teacher went in to get some lube from a custodian. Thankfully I managed to got unstuck before they came back, but I never lived that down. I remember trying to talk to them in middle school and make a move and the first thing they did was bring that up.

 

Sam

When I was 13, I was playing footsie with a girl I sat next to on a bus ride for a field trip. I was getting all excited that this cute girl was actually paying attention to me, and doing it slyly….she never stopped talking to her friends, but any time I pushed my foot against hers, she’d push back just as hard. Never even moved her body away from mine. It was like, our own little secret crush.

Then we got to our destination and she stood up and started to leave. But I was still playing footsie with her somehow.

Turns out I had been rubbing up against the leg of the seat the entire time.

 

Jose

In 9th grade I asked my dad to get me a guitar for christmas so I could learn the songs that my crush had on her MySpace. I learned Hey There Delilah and I was so obsessed with her that I replaced Delilah with her name. SMH.

 

Frank

When I was in 3rd grade, during class, I wrote “Adidas” on a small piece of paper, and then wrote:

All
Day
I
Dream
About
Sex

And then I gave it to this guy I was working on a project with at the time, and told him to give it to this girl I liked. He said “okay”, and then I watched him get up and take the piece of paper directly to the teacher and tell on me. I then got suspended for sexual harassment.

 


If you’ve done something to attract someone back in the day that you still cringe at, don’t worry because you aren’t alone at all. But if you’re like, 24, then maybe it might be a good time to reevaluate your dating strategies.

Have an embarrassing story you’d like to share? Text me or send me an email at kennethwoo11@gmail.com

The Strangest Fraternity Rush: “Barney Stinson”

“Are you a brother here?”

It was a question I probably had heard at least 80 times that week, always from freshmen who weren’t sure whether to suck up to me or treat me like another random dude. They were interested in joining my fraternity, or at least secure their invite to getting free booze for the rest of the week. No hard feelings, we budget for that.

But this guy was different. He was dressed in a full suit, and held a deck of cards in his hand. I wasn’t sure if he was a genius, or a complete fucking weirdo.

“I’m a brother, my name is Kenny, what’s yours?” I usually wanted to tell these guys to fuck off and to bother someone actually on the bid committee, but maybe we had a gem here.

“Barney Stinson,” He declared matter-of-factly.

“I get it, the suit, the magic tricks, that’s funny,” I laughed, ever-so-fakely. “But what’s your real name?”

“Barney Stinson,” He once again declared, matter-of-factly.

It cleared up any confusion that I had.

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Fall Rush Week is a magical time on college campuses where Greek Life runs the social scene. With no exams or assignments due in the near future, college is still basically a booze fueled summer camp where Monday and Tuesday are equally as poppin’ as Friday and Saturday. If you’re in a frat during rush week, freshman guys want to suck up to you, and freshman girls want to suck you off. It’s a shitshow largely fueled by cluelessness.

Freshmen don’t know any better. If you were like me as a freshman, you wandered the streets with your entire dorm floor and walked up to every house playing loud music. You asked the two dudes standing at the front if you could go in. They end up letting the 5 most attractive girls in your group in and send the rest of you packing. So once you finally get inside a house, it’s a blessing. This is so much better than when the high school lacrosse team threw down after raiding Carl’s parent’s liquor cabinet. Dancing girls, an unattended handle of fruit punch Burnett’s vodka, and you have no idea if you’re in Delta Sigma Phi or FIJI’s house. It doesn’t matter, the guys who live in this house are BROS, and you want to party with them for the rest of your college career.

Hundreds of people will come to your party during rush week, and they’re more than likely either not cool enough to hang out with you, or too cool to hang out with you. But they don’t know that yet, so you either want to scare them off by telling them how you had “unspeakable things done to you during your pledging,” or that there was “basically no pledge process at all.”

After refusing to reveal his real name,”Barney Stinson” was a clear case of, “guy you want to tell that your fraternity has the highest death rate for pledges, and that we were in the news for the Oklahoma chapter chanting the n-word on a bus.”

I watched “Barney” perform a card trick, was still not convinced he wasn’t a complete fucking loser, and then sent him off to fail at impressing other brothers. Probably so I could talk to some girls who wanted to make sure they could find alcohol tomorrow.

You don’t need to be a polo-sperries-croakies fratstar on your first day of fraternity rush. I still would never fucking wear croakies. I rushed in cargo shorts and thought that wearing a graphic tee was acceptable on a preppy campus, and burned all of my cargo shorts shortly after initiation. You’ll figure it out.

If you’re cool enough, a frat will bid you regardless of what crap you’re wearing. Just be natural and you’ll find the right fit. But if you’re trying to impress people, wearing a suit and doing card tricks is probably not a way to make friends with someone who’s house you snuck into.

 

I Used To Hate Doris Burke

I used to think that she was annoying, not very easy to look at, and that her sideline reporting was generally unnecessary. A lot of people don’t like Doris Burke, and believe that pretty much anybody else could be doing her job. I’ll be watching a game with some friends, and the moment her voice comes on, everyone will start groaning like it was nails on a chalkboard.

I can’t lie that her voice is still irritating sometimes, but actually listen to what she says! She definitely asks the right questions to the players and coaches in between quarters, and that’s not something that’s easy to do going beyond “What went wrong?” or “LeBron James has 24 points at the half, what are you going to do about it?” She’s knowledgeable about the sport and does a better job doing commentary that a number of home-market broadcasts. She’s no Mike Breen, but I’d take listening to Doris over the guys who run the local Cavaliers cast any day.

Doris Burke's character in NBA 2k16
Even VIRTUAL Doris Burke was annoying sometimes.

She’s passionate and does her job incredibly well with so many odds stacked against her. in a Yahoo Article she discusses how sometimes players and coaches find it hard to take a woman involved in a male sport seriously. She calls out San Antonio Spurs Coach Gregg Popovich for not providing her with serious answers. And she’s absolutely right. It doesn’t matter that she’s never played in the NBA, because she’s better at her job than people who actually did.

I have a lot of respect for Doris now, and if you’re one of those people who rush to find the mute button on your remote as soon as you see her on the TV, you’re making a mistake for sure.

This was the moment it all changed for me, effectively rescinding any hatred that I had for her over the years.

Just like that, and I’m in love. This 50-year old woman will break your fucking ankles in 5-inch heels. This makes up for the voice, and if you’re honest, she looks fantastic for 50.